


Boys Night In

by Ladytalon



Series: The Doctors Light [12]
Category: DCU, Justice League of America
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-12
Updated: 2011-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-14 16:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/151467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladytalon/pseuds/Ladytalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys are staying in tonight which means pizza will be ordered, high-stakes card games will be played, babysitting will be mandatory, and Snapper Carr's name will be taken in vain.  Several times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys Night In

"So then he says, ' _Don't you know who I am? I'm the goddamned Emerald Archer_ -' are you even listening to me?" Merlyn demanded.

"Goddamned Emerald Archer," Deadshot repeated, gazing longingly at the cigar in his hand.

Calculator looked up from his laptop. "Smoke that in here and your life isn't worth living," he warned. "Hell, don't even _sniff_ at it or she'll find out."

"Looks like Light's not the only one who's whipped," Merlyn sniggered. "She's even got Monocle and Cold jumping through hoops-"

"Didn't Monocle steal her purse once?"

"No, that was Mirror Master."

"Mirror Master was the one who left the IOU for the condoms. _Boomarang_ stole her purse," Calculator said.

Deadshot leaned forward, grinning. "Whaddaya mean, condoms?"

"You never heard about it?"

"Oh, I remember that," Merlyn laughed. "It was back when those two first got together – Light was still on the Squad, and he'd managed to get her into his place. Reverse-Flash had just pantsed him and apparently she liked the angle of the-"

" _Thank you_ , Merlyn," the man in question said, dropping a case of beer in the middle of the coffee table. "Where's Len? I thought I saw him earlier."

"Apparently there was a Flash sighting, so he took off. Said he might stop back by with Glider and that new kid…what's his name again?"

"Owen. I've always thought that if there's anything worse than one Harkness, it's _two_ of them…"

Deadshot leaned forward to snag a bottle. "Were they out of the regular?" he asked, scowling at the label. "Or did Old Lady Light put you on a diet?"

"If you still think you can eat whatever you want, and still look halfway decent in your outfit, you're out of your mind," Arthur snorted. "What should we get for dinner? Noah, quit trying to hack into Kimiyo's files – if it didn't work the last five times, it's not working now."

Merlyn drummed his fingertips on the table. "I vote for pizza."

"Yeah, pizza's good."

"Pizza."

"Weren't you listening to _anything_ I sai- wait a minute," Arthur said. "I have an idea."

"Snapper?" Deadshot queried.

"Snapper."

"What's a snapper?" Merlyn wondered.

Deadshot put his feet up on the table and laughed. "We had this thing we'd do, back in the Squad – whenever we wanted pizza, we'd call and pretend to be Snapper Carr. The guy's an idiot, but he's a pretty well-connected idiot; the Justice League let him run a tab in whatever pizza joint he went to, just because he helped 'em sometimes."

"Okay, I'm calling them," Arthur said. "Floyd, get your feet off of there… it's ringing; be quiet! Um, _yahhhhh_. This is, like, the pizza place, right dude?"

Calculator nearly spit out his gum.

"Totally sweet, man," Arthur drawled, "It's _so cool_ that you dudes sell pizza 'cuz I'm fo'shizzle havin' this party and, like, everyone wants pizza. It's like karma or somethin'." Merlyn laughed and leaned forward, trying to listen to the voice on the other end of the line. "Yah sure, man… you ready for me to drop this?"

As involved as they were in listening to Arthur imitate Snapper Carr, none of them noticed when Kimiyo Hoshi walked in and stopped behind the couch to listen. He finished explaining about the 'tab' and instructed the driver to leave the pizzas just outside the door, then hung up to the laughter of his comrades.

"That was the best thing ever," Calculator hooted. "You sounded just like-" he broke off as he caught sight of Kimiyo's reflection in the TV, and slowly turned his head to look at her. "Uh."

"Man, I can't count the number of times we pulled that back in the day," Deadshot bragged, putting his feet back up on the coffee table and the cigar into his mouth as he sparked his lighter. "Nobody ever figured out why-"

"Floyd, how many times do I need to tell you not to smoke in here?"

"Busted," Merlyn said cheerfully. "Looking good, Kim."

"What a shame that I can't say the same for you. What's going on in here?"

"We're having pizza – would you like some, too?" Arthur asked.

"Is that what that was? You pulled a Snapper?"

"This apartment is Switzerland," he reminded her. "No extradition allowed."

Kim pointed down the hall. “Can I see you in the bedroom, please?” Her expression dared the other men to make juvenile remarks about quickies. “Power Girl will be stopping by in a few minutes.”

Deadshot sighed loudly. “She come over often? You guys need a roommate or anything?”

“Izumi won’t take the kids,” she said as Arthur closed the door behind them. “He told me he would just last week. This is the second time this month, and he only gave me an hour’s notice!”

“We can watch them.”

“…I’m sorry, I thought you just said that you could watch them.”

He leaned back on his elbows, watching her change her clothes. "I watch them all the time." Kimiyo arched her eyebrows at him and held up two tops for inspection. "The blue one. And before you say it's not the same thing because there's a roomful of criminals out there, they've both been declared Untouchable."

"What is this, the caste system?"

"No, it just means that Noah's spread the word that no one messes with either of them under any circumstances… and you look _very_ nice."

Kim smiled at the compliment, reaching up to gather her long hair into a ponytail. "If anyone _does_ hurt my children…" she let the threat trail off and looked at him, her eyes hard.

"I know."

"Good."

Arthur managed to lure her into his arms after she'd finished getting ready to go out, but one kiss was all he could steal before Kara Zor-L burst in. "We're here – oh, keep it in your pants, Light."

"Did they teach you how to knock on Krypton, or did you miss that particular lesson in manners?" he asked, frowning at her.

Imako trotted in next, looking unhappy and holding a barrette. "Onii-sama, my hair won't stay!" She dropped the purple barrette into Arthur's outstretched hand and hopped up on the bed.

"I will fix it, Obaa-chan," he said, purposely using the term for 'grandmother' to make her giggle and kick her feet. "You're staying here with us tonight while your mother goes out with Kara."

"Can we have a tea party?"

"Let's cross that bridge when we get to it. Where's your brother?"

"Talking to Uncle Floyd."

Arthur hurriedly snapped the barrette closed and teleported into the living room, where he caught Deadshot in the act of handing one of his guns over to Yasu. "Don't even think about it."

"The kid needs a mentor, Doctor Buzzkill."

"Well, it's not going to be _you_."

Kimiyo looked over at Kara, whose scowl could have curdled milk. "Maybe we should reschedule-"

"No, no, we got it," Calculator interrupted. "You ladies go out, have some fun – Artie here will keep the home fires burning."

Kim laughed and kissed the children goodnight. "Just as long as the home itself isn't burning by the time I get back. If you try to hack my files again, Noah, I'll send Oracle to clean out your database."

He sat up straight, patting at his hair. "Oracle? Has she mentioned me lately…?"

"You're such a loser," Kara said dismissively. "Let's go. Light, don't try to sell the kids on eBay again or I'll kill you."

Deadshot perked up. "Maybe _I'll_ sell 'em online. You can smother me with your-"

"We're going," Kim announced loudly. "No strippers, attempted murder, or misdemeanors of any kind." She kissed Arthur and left.

Merlyn leaned over the counter separating the kitchen and living room. "If Power Girl comes over all the time, that means you know her secret identity."

Arthur checked his watch. "Yes, that _does_ mean I know her secret identity. We've got five more minutes until the pizza's ready – I need eyes on the back door, Noah." Imako sat down on the carpet with a handful of action figures and began to place each one on the coffee table. Within moments, there was a heated battle for possession of the case of beer with Guy Gardner and Booster Gold the main combatants.

Yasu shifted from foot to foot, looking around at them with an inscrutable look on his face. Arthur still found it difficult to connect with the boy when Yasu idolized his father, who seemed to take more time making up excuses why he couldn't be present rather than actually spending time with his children. While he had never thought he would be a father to anyone, now he was in the position of being stepfather to _two_ children.

"Can I try some?" Yasu suddenly asked, looking at the beer.

Arthur's mouth opened to say _no_ , but then he remembered a tactic his mother had used on him long ago. "Sure. Go get a glass."

"Okay, I'm using the security camera on the corner of 5th and Island," Calculator announced. "Doesn't look like they're out there yet…and I know risk-taking comes with the territory for us, but she really _will_ rip you limb from limb for giving him beer."

Opening one of the bottles, Arthur shielded it with his body and sent a short burst of light down the neck of it. It would still be cold enough not to alert the kid that he'd meddled with it, but warm enough for the yeast to react. Yasu came back with a pint glass, and Arthur showed him how to pour it so foam wouldn't go everywhere… then he sat back and waited.

Yasu took a tentative sip, made a grimace that he tried to hide, and then took a large mouthful. He made it through another four sips before screwing up his face and running for the bathroom. "How can you drink that? It's disgusting," he said accusingly upon returning and dumping the rest of his beer out in the sink.

"It's an acquired taste. Hey, wanna play blackjack?" Arthur caught the pack of cards Merlyn tossed him, waggling it enticingly.

"Mother wouldn't want us to gamble," Yasu said, fidgeting. Kimiyo might not want them to gamble, but it didn't keep the _boy_ from wanting to.

"Then we won't play for money," Arthur told him. "You've played 'Truth or Dare' before, right? This'll be like that but we'll write down general questions and dares, then use the slips of paper instead of money."

Booster Gold went sailing through the air, closely pursued by an action figure that resembled Arthur a little too closely for his peace of mind – he'd have to ask Imako where she'd gotten that one. "Can I play, too?" she cried.

"No girls allowed," Yasu said.

"I'm tellin' Mama."

"You can play during the second round," Arthur informed her. Calculator beckoned him over just as Yasu asked what type of dare he was allowed to write. "The kind that can stain your reputation forever. Don't let Merlyn near his arrows while I'm gone," he said, getting a good look at the back of the pizza place before teleporting over to pick up their dinner.

The game got underway as soon as he returned – Merlyn and Deadshot, though initially scornful about it, proved to be the most excited about the potential for humiliation. "Closest to Twenty-one gets amnesty for two rounds," Calculator said, shuffling the cards. "Farthest away gets two of his slips chosen by the winner, and the others choose their own. For 'truth' questions, Arthur uses liar light on you."

"Didn't you make that stuff up?"

"No, it works. Not on me, but it works."

Merlyn won the first hand, and Arthur winced when he discovered that he was the uncontested loser. "Damn it." He slid his wagers across the table into the 'pot', which was really just the empty beer carton, and watched as Merlyn shook it up and pulled two pieces of paper out.

"First question: 'What is your most embarrassing sexual encounter?' Oh, good Lord – Noah, is this one yours?"

"We won't even know if he's telling the truth."

"Aside from being pantsed by Thawne… I'd have to go with Giganta on this one, for reasons I will not go into. The question didn't ask me to _explain_ what was so embarrassing about it, after all."

Merlyn pulled a face. "That was disappointing. Okay, next one's a dare…and it features the lovely Amanda Waller!"

Deadshot started giggling. "Oh, that's mine! This is gonna be _good_."

"…it says here, and I quote, 'Booty Call the Wall.'"

"What's a booty call?" Yasu asked.

"Where they been keeping you, kid? Under a rock?" Deadshot guffawed. "C'mon, Light – show us what you're made of!"

Arthur toyed with his goatee, thinking hard. "She'll set up a trace, so we'll need to reroute the call unless everyone wants to be back in Belle Reve by midnight."

"On it," Calculator announced. "She's installed Skype on this, hasn't she… yes, here it is and here we go."

"Disable the camera so she doesn't- hel _lo_ , Amanda," Arthur said, creating a light image of Waller just to make Deadshot spit out his pizza. "I happen to have an _extremely_ good reason for calling at this time of night. What are you wearing?"

One obscene phone call and two ridiculous dares involving cross-dressing later, Arthur took his turn playing dealer as the Snarts and Owen Mercer arrived. "We're going to need more pizza," Yasu said, peeking at his cards before holding them against his chest.

Merlyn held out someone's cellphone. "My lad, it's time you learned the most valuable trick in a supervillain's arsenal."

The kid's eyes widened, and he darted a look towards Arthur for permission. "Really? What is it?"

"It's called…The Snapper."


End file.
